Why I thought I couldn't do Calculus:

thanks xkcd

How much does ambition cost?

Here are a few of the 2008 Rhodes Scholar's:

Benjamin M. Eidelson, Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, is a senior at Yale majoring in
philosophy and political science. Elected as a junior to Phi Beta Kappa and winner of Yale’s
Lyman Prize, he won the North American Parliamentary Debate Championship as well as
academic prizes in English, humanities, writing and public health. He has a number of
published articles in legal and medical publications, and interned in the Newark Mayor’s
office. Benjamin plans to do the B.Phil. in philosophy at Oxford.

Clara L. Blättler, Brookline, is a Harvard senior majoring in earth and planetary sciences.
Harvard record-holder and Ivy League champion in the women’s pole vault, violinist in two
Harvard orchestras, and a pianist, Clara has done extensive research and field work in geology and chemical oceanography in South America, Africa and Europe. She has also studied at the Goethe Institute in Berlin. Clara plans to do the M.Sc. by Research in earth sciences at Oxford.

Andrew S. Hammond, Washington, DC, is a 2007 graduate of The University of Chicago in
political science. He is now a fellow at the Center of the Study of Social Policy in
Washington, DC. A Truman Scholar, he wrote his thesis on Youth Policy, and has written
extensively on issues relating to poverty, and children in poverty. He was director of the
student ACLU chapter and editorial editor of his college newspaper. He has also written two
children’s plays that have been performed, and has won an award for his opera singing. He
plans to do the M.Phil. in comparative social policy at Oxford.

Caitlin O'Malley is a senior at University of Portland majoring in History and German with an emphasis on education. She only recently started taking her education seriously and has since been winning all sorts of highly esteemed rewards from her parents. Mostly in the form of clothing. She spends her summers making the general population of Olmpia happier about their purchases, and frequently plunges them further into credit card debt. She once volunteered for her church, in high school. Her artistic strength shines through her obvious other lack of athleticism. She is a respected member of the studio where she has danced her entire life, because of her personality, not talent. She plans on finding a husband at Oxford.

JUST KIDDING! I want to be a rhodes scholar! Hmm, where to start?

I am what your youth group warned you about.

I have no shame in admitting that I am a "cafeteria Catholic." It is an analogy used to dissuade members of the church from simply picking and choosing different theological doctrines, like one would pass up salad for macaroni. But I think that is exactly what one should do. Yes we have a Pope and he knows everything yada yada yada. BUT simply excepting something as important and life giving as what is TRUTH ITSELF solely because it came from Il Papa is, to quote Pride and Prejudice, "positively medieval."

The Church by no means warns against independent thought. In contrast there is actually a built in step for young Catholics called Confirmation where they actually get to decide whether they want to become an adult in the eyes of The Church. I just think that my faith means nothing unless it is all my own. I can, of course, learn from others, but if it doesn't make sense to me after praying about it, and I can't fit it in to my worldview, is it horrible that I just let it go?

I have absolutely no idea why I am blogging about this. Maybe I want to prove to myself that even though I live like the rest of American society, I do really love Jesus, I do pray, and I do try to do good. Maybe my form of good is quietly loving and accepting those around me instead of continually convincing them that their way of life is wrong. I don't think it is. Love another man, what do I care? Just because I want to save myself for my husband (ha! like I will ever get married... I may want to rethink this one) doesn't mean I think sex is bad. I really don't. It sounds fun.

Maybe it's not that my beliefs are so far from the institution's, they really aren't. I just can't seem to give a damn whether other people agree with me.

Here is my conundrum: (I have been having this conundrum ever since Ethics class first semester of last year. Thanks Alexander.) What good is having a moral code if it doesn't apply to others? Don't you live your life in a way you believe is best and shouldn't it logically follow that others live their life in a similar way?

Am I bad at religion because I relate better with those against is? (not this douche bag. He is just plain rude. I don't listen to rude people.) Why do the Catholic blogs I subscribe to make me uncomfortable? I mean I love mass and Jesus and all that jazz, but all your talk about abortion makes me nervous. I am an adult in the Church I love. I just feel like I don't really belong and I can't tell if it's because I need to change, or if it is a non-issue. I still have my rosary and isn't that just as important?

If anyone reads this (besides my sister) and has any shreds of wisdom or can pass the link on to the wise person who blogs that I only imagine exists and have yet to find who can answer all of my questions, that would be very much appreciated.

Obama's Speech in Berlin:

I watched the whole speech on You Tube and this was my train of thought:

ooo nice vague generalizations
uh huh uh huh we love Berlin
what about Berlin BEFORE the cold war?? not necessary to mention?
look at all those people! I wish I got to visit Berlin. Oh well, have to go back! Man I want a Fulbright...
hope freedom democracy tell me something I don't already know
he kinda sounds like Martin Luther King Jr.
maybe this is one of those speeches whose purpose was to be constantly quoted? "ask not what your country... yada yada yada"
hmm this is actually kind of a nice idea
YES!!! nuclear proliferation!
oh. my. god. I am being inspired. So help me God.
Yes I love America too! Oh we do have so much potential!
I want to go back to Austria and speak German. He so should have put some German in there. "Wie Ghets Kurdistan?"

The Other Barista

He is new. We will call him Dreds. Yesterday he gave me a free (rather disgusting) drink, today he complimented my hair and asked me to a movie.

Hmm. This is interesting.

He could have genuinely wanted to go on a date or he could just be looking to make friends in town.

Either way really.

Smile.

OMG VACAY!!!

I have just completed my first day back from vacation. It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't friends, adventures, sun, parties, majestic views, or self-fulfilment either.

I can't believe that a place as beautiful as the Columbia River Gorge is only three hours away from Olympia! A year of exploring Europe has sparked me to explore what is not so far away, and man have I found some cool things.

At the end of my freshman year of college I was figuring things out, and unfortunately I figured that I hadn't made very many meaningful relationships in college (aside from Designer Jeans of course). So I drove to Idaho to see my best friend of all time as a chorus member in Oaklahoma. The 5 hour drive home took me through the Gorge. I remember that driving away from Man Dawg (best friend since third grade) and toward UP made me feel so desolate. The lush green hills and biblical river inspired poetry of the lonely and lost. I called Designer Jeans and said, "Hey man, you are my only friend at UP. I hope that is ok with you." He said, of course Cate! You know I love you. And I left for home the minute I finished my last final.

Well this visit to the Gorge was different. I was with wonderful friends and even met some new ones. Man how I love these girls. I can be myself around them without even trying. We are like sisters, except that we like each other more than some people like their sisters. Home and happiness are entirely defined by people. I am so greatful to Salzburg because I met the loves of my life!

I even got to see Designer Jeans for the first time in a year while we were in P-Town. And everything was the same. He was still hilarious, we still joked rather inappropriately, we still had tons of fun together, he is still one of my best friends.

Next year is going to be good, let me tell you. I walked around campus for a few minutes on my way back to Olympia, just to reaquaint myself, and I didn't feel like a stranger. I actually felt like I belonged in this place. And as I passed the (ghetto) library my mind was filled with romantic images of slaving over papers, falling behind on my reading, listening to lectures, and using my brain. Oh college, do I really have to be finished in 2 years?

It feels good to have something to look forward to. Bring it on universe!

Being 19, almost 20

One of the coolest parts about being my age is my ever-changing worldview. When I was a kid I'm not sure I ever pondered anything, and the main things on my mind were either how to get out of chores or how to get my family's attention. I imagine that as I get older my mind will be filled with other things, like how to pay the bills or get Sally to like math.

But right now, I am creating a world. I am in the middle of putting together all of my experiences to create a world that makes sense. Sense. As in I understand what is happening around me and the motivations of the people/governments/society I am a part of.

So here is what is on my mind right now, after a long day at The Job, missing Mama Bear, watching This American Life (love ya Ira!) and War of the World.

• When managing employees: SIMPLE MANNERS WILL GET YOU VERY FAR. Dearest Bitchy Manager: I totally would have stayed until close had you ASKED (not told) me, then thanked me for my obviously huge self giving sacrifice. Puh-leees.


• Why is post world war two history neglected in almost every history (American and European) course I have ever taken? Is it because the 20 million lives that were lost in the latter half of the century aren't Western lives, but third world lives? Why don't we care about poor people? Is genocide more excusable when the language of the commiters isn't one taught in American high schools?


• I want to marry a foreigner like the girl on This American Life. What a way to spice things up, right?


• What economic system will prove to be the successor of capitalism when China kicks our ass and we can no longer afford to water our lawns and power our hobby vehicles? Will I ever be able to afford a house?


• Some people are just stupid. And mean. Hopefully not both.


• I need to do more good. Like Ty and his crew on Extreme Home Makeover. Love that show. Cry every time.

Tall Glass of Water

Ok. Today was a good day.

Corporate came down for a full store inspection at The Job. Didn't effect me much because, well let's be honest, I don't give a shit about my job.

BUT two exciting things did happen:
1.) The Barista is back! About freakin' time.
2.) My Tall Glass of Water wants to hang out.

I wont worry about the fact that the two exciting parts of the day are both boy related until I'm in a more feminist mood. One must remember that the most mental activity I get daily involves retail, aka: how to bullshit my way out of this one. What can I say, I love to think about the boys.

Tall Glass of Water (once called that by an elderly customer.. anyone know what that means?) is in fact tall. And skinny. Just like I like 'em. He is an awkward, gangly, carrot top whose gums are longer than his teeth. But what do I care? He has fascinated me (not in a creepy, stalker way) since my first day at The Job. I don't quite know where this is going, or whether I'm down for the ride, but I do know that he makes me laugh.

And he asked me out today :)

The Barista was also happy to see me and kept smiling at me. Some days are just better for the self-esteem than others. I can't wait to see where all this leads.

In other news: Mama Bear has left the den. She is off in Denver being important and I miss her. Papa Bear and I are doing ok on our own, but the puppies sure miss her. Gus seems to think that I am his personal popsicle and I do NOT approve. I am proud of her. I hear her in my head daily (any job big or small, do it right or not at all) and I hope to someday become half the woman she is. Just half.

Dance is going ok. I'm already irritating myself with the unreasonable assumptions that I should already have all my moves back. Oh but I love trying.

My dad said the nicest thing to me today. He said that if I ever wanted to open my own studio and be a professional dance teacher that I could go to him for finances. When I pointed out that he doesn't have that kind of money he said, "We would make it work."

I have the best parents in the world. They want the world for us girls, and they mean it. I am often in awe of my incredible blessings.

Happy birthday America, let's shop!

Today is our country's 232 birthday, so what better way to celebrate than to shop! How typically American, really. This of course means that I had to work at The Job.


It was ok for these reasons.

• I got to wear jeans and sneakers= Insta good mood.


• My parents met me for lunch= Something to look forward to.


• Interesting conversations with the Tall Glass of Water (skinny red-headed associate who was once referred to as a "tall glass of water" by a customer)= a few exciting jitters.

After work I came home to a delicious meal with Mama Bear and Papa Bear. I was a little bummed about not having any friend related 4th of July plans when I got a text from DJ Tall (a Salzburg friend) inviting me to a firework gathering in Fife.

Yes. I have to drive to Fife to have a friend.

We had a good time, just shooting the breeze and watching boys try to kill themselves. DJ Tall is a good guy, and I'm lucky to have him as a friend. I mean hey, we went to Budapest together!

I remember past 4th of July's when I used to watch my Olympia boys try to kill themselves. You know, back when I had friends in Olympia. I am fully aware that it's the time in my life for high school friends to fade into the background. While I would instantly spend time with those in town and not hesitate to refer to them as friends, they never call and I stopped trying a while ago. What is disconcerting is that no one else seems to be going though this. I am most at home with my Salzburg friends, and without them I am lonely. But they seem to be doing fine at home, plenty of people to see, beer to drink, and parties to crash. That was my life last summer. Before Salzburg. Before we all split up and went our separate ways. And man do I love my life. It's just a little lonely right now. Are they lonely without Salzburg too?

It will only get worse on Monday. The dreaded day Mama Bear leaves.

Fish Bash

After five nights of family fun in flat Nebraska I am home. It was a wonderful trip. My dad is the oldest of 7 and has about as many cousins as I do. Last weekend we were all there. It was incredible. I am a member of a clan, and I like it that way. With about 66 attendees I was surrounded by people. No, not just people, family. Plenty of little ones to play with, cousins to laugh with, adults to learn from, and elders to love.


Fish Bash is a celebration of togetherness, and what better way than to tap a keg? We are Irish and we behave accordingly. I don't mind it, no one gets hurt so what if we get a little tipsy-turvy? Oh and I have nothing to worry about. I do NOT have an alcohol problem.


The hi-light of my weekend occurred during the annual Tavern Tour. Tavern Tour is exactly what it sounds like, the entire clan sets out to explore the bar offerings of the town nearest our campsite. This years led us to the Thunderhead Brewery and the Chicken Coop. High class places if Keno is your thing. Anyways, after all the family pictures were taken my grandma announced that she had something she wanted to say. It took a minute to quiet all the beer heightened voices. Then finally, wine goblet in hand, Grandma said, "I only have three words to say. I. love. you. And I feel sorry for anybody that doesn't have a family like ours."



I about cried. I love you too Grandma.

Here I am with the coolest 80 year old I know.

And here is my lovely family. All four of us, Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Koprime, and little ol' redheaded me. I am so happy and fulfilled when I am playing the role of daughter/cousin/niece/grandchild. Even though I'm not best friends with all of my cousins, it's wonderful to know I have the common experience of being an O'Malley to share with hundreds of someones.

It's so simple and so clear. People have known this since biblical times. Family is everything.

Well, now I'm back at The Job, spending my lonely days by myself, and wondering how it ever came to be that I wish I was in flat, boring, cornfield covered, Nebraska.